Marriage - Isan Style

by Jason Rolan

As the token Westerner in many Thai gatherings (funerals, birthdays, housewarmings and weddings), I was taken by surprise when my dear friend George asked me to be the Best Man in his wedding to his fiancée Lhin. Thai weddings usually come in two parts: the morning ritual (for close family and friends) and the evening dinner (for several hundred acquaintances and relations). As best man, I was privy to the entire process for the first time.

George and Lhin

In the early morning, we all drove 100 km north to Ban Phaeng, the bride's hometown. At her house we took our seats to wait for the monk's arrival. It is important on auspicious days to arrange for monks to chant and bless for the occasion. In return they eat a good lunch and receive many daily needs (soap, toothbrushes, umbrellas, etc.) in the merit-making ritual known as tak baat. By giving essential items to the monks, one gains merit and builds karma for the next life.

Everyone Places Food in the Monks' Bowls to Build Merit

Without any explanation to me, the groom's family, friends and I were all herded about a half kilometer up the road, where a truck carrying a live Isan band was waiting. Many members of our group appeared with gifts, purchased by the groom as a dowry for the bride's family. I was forbidden from carrying anything, as it was my task to carry an umbrella over the groom's head. The umbrella is a traditional Thai symbol of status and prestige for the person walking under it, even if it is purple with cartoon characters.

Procession and Purple Parasol

Then the band started up its bouncy, twangy Isan music with drums, loud speakers and a phin - an Isan guitar. The entire procession began to walk to the bride's house. It was important that each person in the parade had some offering to carry. There were all to be given to the bride's family as a symbolic exchange for the bride. Some carried whisky, fresh fish, gold jewelry, sacks of money, and the taan bai sii to be used in the wedding ceremony. Those who did not convey any gifts danced in front all the way.

Taan Bai Sii

Along the way, shopkeepers were opening bottles of beer from their own refrigerators and running out to dance, drink and make merry with us; perhaps leaving their stores open for looting, but I didn't check.

Fish on a Stick Anyone?

On arriving at the bride's house, the gifts were presented with a great flair. Even something as ordinary as a piece of fruit had a ribbon tied round it. After the presentation of these items, the bride's mother grabbed the sack of money and ran upstairs, presumably to count it. In much of Asia, brides carry a value that the groom must pay to her family beforehand. The cost of this bride? 200,000 baht or about 5000 USD - a very steep price for this rural area. If this were a western/Thai couple, the price would be higher.

The Dowry - Notice the Stacks of Pink Banknotes

A village elder performed the bai sii su khwan ceremony on the close family and me. This ritual is unique to Isan and Laos and combines rich elements of Brahmanism and animism. To find out more on this rite, read from a past issue of our newsletter.

Later that night many more people gathered in the banquet hall of a local hotel. This part of the gathering had ice sculptures, a western feature that is growing in popularity in this most unfeasible of climes.

The Maid of Honor and the Best Man

When invited to any occasion in Thailand, you are given an invitation with your name on the envelope. You then take the invitation out and insert money into the envelope. This is your gift to the honoree(s). No need to purchase blenders or fear of mismatching china patterns.

Everyone feasted at large round tables on typical Thai fare and some volunteered to sing karaoke. When the mood was just right, the Ramwong began! The Ramwong is a traditional Thai circle dance comprised of pairs of men and women in a large circle gracefully moving arms and legs to the music, but never touching one another. Sadly, this dance is considered old-fashioned and not performed so often. I saw some relations from Bangkok who refused to participate as they didn't want to be considered country folk! A sad note on cultural “progress” in Thailand.

Ramwong!

Sated, intoxicated and exhausted, I went home with many new insights into Thai culture.